


The Four Pines and the *Insert Plot Device*

by redwoodroots



Category: Gravity Falls, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bullying, Hogwarts, Stan to the rescue, and polka dots, closet, dipper and mabel are first years, mabel comes with glitter this is a given, stan and ford are fifth years
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:21:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21888838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redwoodroots/pseuds/redwoodroots
Summary: Ah, the school year.  A time for studying, reading, and Transfiguration classes with Professor McGonagall.  Stan and Ford are fifth years.  The teachers don't like Stan and the students don't like Ford, but they both love the place - certainly better than they like their summer vacations at home.  And they're about to meet some very interesting first years who just so happen to have the same last name as they do...
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	The Four Pines and the *Insert Plot Device*

**Author's Note:**

> AceofStars16 and I created the AU and outlined the story, and now the first chapter is finally done! LET THE MADNESS BEGIN!

They grabbed him on his way to the dorms and pulled him into the nearest classroom before Ford could shout for help. There were three of them this time, Crampelter and his human warts Roman and Gordo. They had him pinned over a desk in a record three seconds flat. 

“Get off me, get off!” 

“Hah, look at him squirm!”

“Come on, little freak! You feel like showing off now? Huh?” 

“Let go!” 

He kicked out and heard something go oomph. then the weight fell off his back. He plunged his hand into his robes, but before he could grab his wand Crampelter slammed his head against the desk - once, twice. Then his arms were twisted behind him and he was being shoved toward a closet, which rattled ominously. 

“Looks like teacher’s pet needs a time out!” 

“No!” 

Ford struggled harder, but the door opened and he was shoved into the narrow space and the door slammed on his back. Narrow shelves dug into his ribs...and something warm and fleshy touched his hand. He leaped back with a scream and banged his head on a large crystal ball. The bullies outside laughed, hard. What exactly had they trapped him with? A boggart? Something worse? Ford reached slowly for his wand and then screamed when something brushed the back of his hand. 

“Sorry,” said a voice.

Ford blinked. “Um. Hello?”

The voice sounded again, young, male, and about a foot shorter than Ford. “Yeah, hi. Didn’t mean to scare you. They said they were gonna see how many nerds could fit in here. I didn’t think they’d actually _do_ it.”

The troglodytes outside banged on the door. “Whatsa matter, weirdos? You gonna enchant your way outta this one? You scared of the dark?”

“Don’t know why he should be,” came a new voice, low, rough, and angry. “Scariest thing in the room is on the _other_ side of the door.” 

_Stanley!_

“Well, well, if it isn’t the stupid twin. Nice robes, you get ‘em at the dump?” 

“Nice shiner, you get it at the Whomping Willow?” 

“What shiner -”

There was a loud shout and the sound of knuckles hitting a very piglike face, followed by a lot of crashes and yelling. Something huge and heavy hit the side of the closet and it rocked ominously but didn’t quite fall over. His closet-mate knocked into him, though, and unseen boxes and potion bottles rained on their heads. Ford flung an arm up before the crystal ball could fall. The closet didn’t tip fully upright and they were pinned against the wall.

“Stanley!” Ford called.

“Two seconds!” Stan called back. There was a yelp and a scuffle, then silence. A second later Stanley opened the door and the two of them went sprawling on the floor.

“Ow!”

“Sorry, you’re on my elbow.”

“Sorry, sorry.”

Stan’s hand wrapped around his shoulder and hauled him to his feet. His eyes caught Ford’s face and he hissed. “Geez, Ford, what happened to your head? And were there two of you in there?”

“Er – yes.” Ford glanced back over his shoulder. The other boy was getting to his feet, looking relatively unscathed, and too small to be anything older than a first year. He felt his stare and looked up, then flattened his bangs. Ford frowned slightly. Why would he –

“THERE you are!”

The three of them jumped, still on edge, and another first year rushed into the room. She had long brown hair, a bright pink sweater, and what looked disturbingly like a polka-dotted elephant clutched in her palm.

“Dang it, Dipper, I told you to carry the defense charm!”

“Mabel, that charm shoots glitter out its nose and whistles Gisney songs every five minutes.”

“EXACTLY THAT’S HOW I CAN FIND YOU!”

Ford snorted, glancing at Stan to share in the laugh - but Stan was already turning towards the door. Ford grabbed his shoulder. “Wait, where are you going?”

“To make sure they don’t try this twice.”

“ _Stan!_ Do you want them to hit you with every jinx in the book?! It’s a wonder they didn’t try to jinx _me_ again!”

“No it’s not.” Dipper grinned, looking uncannily like Stan after he’d just pulled a prank, and drew three stubby-looking wands from his pocket. “Tada! Palmed ‘em when they were stuffing me in there. Idiots probably thought they’d just dropped it somewhere.”

Stan burst into laughter. “I love this kid!”

“ _YOU!_ ”

They whipped around. Crampelter stood in the doorway, looking huge, his face red as a cherry tomato and his eyes burning holes in Dipper’s head. 

“You puny little dweeb, you hand over that wand right now or you’ll be eating slug soup through a straw!”

“You first,” Stan said. He moved instantly to the front, fists up. Ford followed suit, pulling back his robe to show his holstered wand.

For a split-second Crampelter looked like he was actually going to charge them anyway. His eyes burned with an ugly hate. His fists clenched like meaty hams. Then he was backing away, jabbing a finger like he could stab them with it. 

“Freaks! Pines are just freaks! Weirdos and freaks, you hear me?!”

“SHUT UP!” Stan roared, just as Mabel yelled, “WE’LL TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT!”

The four of them stared at each other, blinking in surprise.

“Uh, thank you?” Ford and Dipper said together.

“Wasn’t he talking to us?” said Mabel and Stan.

“Wait he was talking to you, too?” said Ford and Mabel.

“ _You’re a Pines?_ ” all four said together.

There was a split second of silence, then they burst out laughing. 

“Well, hell,” Stan said, grinning hugely. 

“Didn’t you see us at the Sorting Ceremony?” Mabel asked.

Ford glanced at Stan and raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to tell them about the trolley witch and the firecrackers, or should I?”

“Hey, you didn’t see anyone else complainin’ about the free snacks. And shouldn’t we get your head looked at? It’s swelling to like, twice its usual size, and that’s saying something.”

“It’s true, it’s bigger than Dipper’s,” Mabel put in, and Dipper rolled his eyes. “Don’t eye-roll in that tone of voice, you’re not hiding that ankle from anyone.”

“Ankle?” Ford asked.

Dipper winced and flattened his bangs again. “It’s just a sprain.”

“Nope! March,” Mabel commanded, pointing to the door. “All Pines please report to the nurse or face the Defense Charm of Glittery Doom!”

“I’m going, I’m going!” Dipper said hastily, and Stan laughed as the four of them headed for the door.

Ford glanced over his shoulder as they left the room. He really should clean that up, it was a _classroom_. But break was almost over, he knew Stan really would make him go to the nurse, and the next class was –

“It’s weird though,” Dipper said, glancing around as they walked. Without thinking, the four of them had drawn into a protective unit, Stan and Mabel on the outside, Ford and Dipper in the middle. “I mean, the four of us. We’ve been at school a month. You’d think we’d have run into each other by now.”

Stan shrugged. “Eh, I’m usually in detention, and nerdbot here does whatever he does when he goes off nerding.”

“Dipper does his nerding in the library,” Mabel added helpfully. “He’s totally smart, he’s gotten transferred into three upper-level classes – hey! Wouldn’t it be funny if we all shared last names and teachers, too?”

“What’s your next class?” Ford asked Dipper. 

He grinned a little sheepishly. “Uh, I just transferred in. Third-year Defense Against the Dark Arts.”

Ford’s face lit up. “That’s me, that’s my class!”

Stan muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like “nerd.” 

“Is it any good?” Dipper asked anxiously. “I mean, I heard the position’s cursed, nobody lasts longer than a year, so I don’t know who we’re gonna get…”

“Oh, you’ll love it,” Ford said, grinning hugely. “The man’s brilliant, knows everything there is to know about magic and the otherwise occult. Even published a few journals, maybe you read them – his name is Bill Cipher.”


End file.
